Hello everyone. I’m helping a friend(actly my tuition kid’s father) look for a temporary telemarketer and the working hours are from 9-6 for 3 days. To all interested friends, drop me a call or message for more details! =D

When I feel pissed and sad and feel like kicking and throwing things around, I feel damn bloody immature, emotionally. But still, it doesn’t get rid of that angst in me and I hate it that my emotions can be so easily rocked by people around me. Good thing is that I’m only like that when I’m alone.

I was talking to puen’s collegues yesterday and on my way back and I realised the scariest thing for me is not failing my A levels, dying, whatever shit but being infertile. I think that having your own flesh and blood is prolly one of the most magnificent, amazing thing on this earth, in my opinion. I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but personally, as I’m growing up, I start to wonder if it’s possible to have my kid without a man. Because as much as I want a kid, my very own kid, I also fret over whether I can ever find a dependable other half. I have very little faith in the opposite sex and I’m saying this with absolutely no intentions of putting them down. The really dependable ones are either taken up or are unattractive to me. There’s this CHEN SHU WEN ZHONG guy working at TCC recently. He’s actly some big shot, but he’s low-key, takes really good care of his subordinates and vy shares exactly same opinion as me. I ever thought of taking the initative to talk to him before I found out…. HE’S MARRIED. OMG, my heart really *piang* okay I swear. Hahaha, one of my funnaye hua chi stories at T.C.C. Got a few guys at T.C.C really not bad, but all attached/married already. Got quite a few girls at T.C.C also damn prettaye and also attached. See this direct correlation between looks and availability.

I mistakenly thought zhang yun jing was a guy. So wierd hor, make girls who developed a crush on her(thinking she’s actually a guy) feel like they are lesbians, me inclusive. Charming leh and I love her boyish voice. Everyone should check out her

讓我照顧你

Sometimes, I feel that you get annoyed the most easily by the people you love the most. And more often than not, they also do the things you hate the most out of good intentions which you can’t appreciate.

I feel that I need to take a break from all these.

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TCC was really busy today(busiest since I started) due to the airshow. I’m tired but satisfied and happy. I think it’s a blessing to be able to work. I have decided to squeeze out time to run as a form of release, and am considering if it’s worthwhile to go back to veejay to run.

I can’t get enough of Dingdang’s latest album. everyone should check out her

你為什麼說謊

The important thing is to not be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past & recognize that every day won’t be sunny. & when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember that it’s only in the black of night that you see the stars, & those stars lead you back home.

Feeling a lil sad now cos I felt that I was abit self-centred just now.

Also, I’m starting to question if my job is meaningful cos when some pple asked me just now why I want to be a waitress, I just said I really enjoy it and to me it’s a one-in-a-lifetime experience. That’s honestly how I feel, and something I wouldn’t mind doing even on weekends, or even at the expense of time with my friends but then, when you see the skeptical looks on people’s faces, your heart kinda sinks. But still, I really think my job is cool, I really love working at the airport, talking to Caucasians and struggling to converse in Mandarin with the Mainland people.

Giving tuition is the one I’m starting to find meaningless, yet it’s the one that’s making up the bulk of my income, and I told my mum that I’m starting to feel that I’m doing it all for the money, sadly to say. Maybe it’s becos, I went on a hiatus for my J1 girl and I hope I can regain that sense of satisfaction from teaching when we resume tuition next week. I still love lil kids and my P4kid’s still adorable in my eyes because there are moments where we really have fun but yes, there’s certain things I can’t tolerate but can’t spare the details here to respect her privacy. Teaching JC chemistry is so much more meaningful and it’s easier to reason out with older kids as well. Kay, this is just my personal opinion and no offence to those teaching lil kids or what ah.

My eyes are thankfully on a steady state towards recovery. I’ve been in specks for one week already, and attempted to feel confident in it until people started telling me my eyes look small and swollen so I’ve decided contacts is still definitely the way to go. I’ve been falling quite a bit in my specks because somehow, the spatial vision you get seems to be smaller and I’ve fallen like 4 times these two days with the worst being yesterday whereby I fell twice on my way home, scrapped my knees, got some bruises and my specks flew so I was like groping around for it in the grass. The physical pain aside, it was really embarrassing TTM=(

Also, been giving a serious thought to uni matters. I think that procrastinating isn’t an option and I should just FACE UP to the fact that I just can’t afford to fulfill my dream overseas and start choosing between the three unis NOW. I had recurring dreams since last week till the start of this week telling me that I will regret if I were to take up a scholarship and following my gut feelings now, it’s better not to gamble six important years of my life. So I’ve starting choosing between the three unis, speaking to people and reading up a lil( though not extensively yet). Unless a miracle happens and I find S$500,000 sitting on my table tomorrow morning/strike 4D or Toto/find out that my biological father is a tycoon, I’m gonna be good and stay put. Hahaha.

i pushed you away because i knew that if you stayed, i could never turn you down. you are the most beautiful and most terrible thing that’s ever happened to me, and you will always have my heart♥

Visited the doctor the third time today and he says if my eyes are not okay by thursday, I’ve to go to the hospital on my own. This is by far one of the worst experiences I had with my eyes. Conjunctivitis was quite a frequent affair for me during my soccer days. You know the field and the gloves aint exactly clean and grace likes to rub her eyes during trngss. Next time you see me touch my eyes, beat my hand kay!  Urghh, okay really really sorry to those I pangsehed these few days, I think my manager sounded a lil doubtful when I told her about my eyes. I really can’t go out with my eyes looking like that. Omygod, I really pray a miracle happens by this afternoon. I think if I can cancel any more of my tuition lessons, I’m gonna get sacked already.

on marriage and love

This was quite funnaye. Try it

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I LOVE YOU

…means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you’re in a bad mood or too tired to do things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. I love you means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, hoping you feel the same way for me.

If only I can love someone this much…

***

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love -
Women like to be a man’s last romance.”

How true…

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MY APOLOGIES TO PEOPLE I HAVE PANGSEHED YESTERDAY AND TODAY!=p greatest apologies going out to wa zi=P=P=P tixi managed to learn cycling in my absence! CYCLING ONE DAY.

okay I’m down with conjunctivitis, YET AGAIN. The ultimate redness set in today aft I visited the doctor yesterday over my painful and terribly itchy eyes. I felt like gorging out my eyes yesterday you know! I applied for MC becos I was supposed to work at TCC today. I hope it recovers by tomorrow. I’m still applying eye drops on an hourly basis.

grace the great has finally received an offer from warwick. It’s definitely my pick as of now, because accomodation costs is lower at warwick as compared to london(i.e. LSE/UCL) and its students’ satisfaction rate is the highest amongst the four(i.e. oxy, LSE and UCL). It’s definitely one of the best places(overseas) to read Economics. Ziemin says she thinks she will only go there if me or sock goes there too and I think I will only go if both of them go.(with the wisdom of ziemin and the intelligence and street-smart(ness) of sock, I will be in safe hands, hahaha.) Yeah I’m making it sound so easy and simple when it’s not. Apart from the experience it offers, SMU still wins an overseas experience in many other aspects so yes pragmatically speaking, I think I should be good, stay here for my degree and settle my masters overseas. My mum calls me a “bian se long”, LOL!

And if you din know, I’ve decided not to do any admin job AT ALL. Sticking to what I am doing now, period. I think I can still survive on what I’m earning as of now. I love my p4 kid who’s really adorable=D Can’t wait to share my experiences about her to some of my friends, hahaha. I was telling my mum I hope that my daughter will be like her next time and my mum told me that the more I look at her, the more my daughter will be like her, LOL, what I joke right?

okay, I hope to go out with those people I pangsehed this week plus a few certain people I haven’t seen in a long time=D

p.s. I worked with a charming collegue and was totally swept off my feet when he taught me some stuff=P=P=P

ever since I started work and encountered some problems, esp. human-to-human relationships set me thinking if I’m not as likeable as I thought. Not that I ever thought that I’m damn wonderful as a person but I never thought that like so many people would not like me and have reasons to pick on me. I offended my mum’s friend(agent) when I turned down the job, some problems at tcc as well, as I find out more and more people have opinions about my behaviour even when I have, never spoken to them before. But I can safely say for myself that I’ve nver been more sensible and decent except when I’m at work. I even take note of the way I walk and try not to talk when I can. It’s so scary you know, I’m like slipping into this state of helplessness becos I really don’t think I have done anything wrong or unacceptable yet I don’t know what I can really do.

i feel that I get swayed too easily, by my own opinions which often haven’t been put through careful thought. Been making loads of decisions and hence the sudden realisation. Most of the decisions I made, which were really rash ones, which albeit turned out really well as well, were all for the wrong reasons. because I’m swayed too easily, I can’t make up my mind, and I get extremely indecisive. i think there must be a benchmark from now on.